Dear Jake – 25th October 2024

Hey Jake,

I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately mate, and I felt the need to share some of what’s been on my mind. Since you’ve been gone, it’s been a bit of a rough time for me. I find myself wrestling with so many emotions that I don’t fully understand and i’m not sure I’ll ever understand, and I wanted to open up a bit, hoping you can relate to some of it like you always did

I can still picture all those long drives in your KA and your BMW, on the way to get that bloody camper van they kept messing up. The amount of trips we took to pick that thing up lol.

And like they said at the funeral, you’re driving mate, Jesus. The way you’d grip the wheel as if the world depended on it haha. But really, it’s beautiful. Your incredible drive wasn’t just limited to your entrepreneurial dreams, it infused everything you did. Those moments felt electric as we bounced ideas off each other, dreaming big while you navigated the streets with that trademark road rage. Every honk and shout felt like little part of our adventures, and it was impossible not to get swept up in your passion

Then there were those countless hours spent playing pool at that little dive bar we loved and at the back of Trident, I’ve still got the the funniest video of you trying to get some crisps out the box. You always believed you were going to win, lining up your shots with that same trademark focus. But it was never just about the game mate was it, it was all about the laughter that filled the air, the playful banter between us, and the friendly bets we’d make. I can still hear the clang of the balls and our cheers echoing in my head most days recently, reminding me of those carefree days we had when we just felt like everything was possible

We shared so so many laughs during those 3-4 years together, moments rich in joy and camaraderie. Whether it was your exaggerated stories, your dash cam footage lol, or our inside jokes that only we understood, it felt like we were in our own little world. You had a knack for making even the mundane feel special, like those times we hung out at that trap house of yours lol. Filled with memories that really bring a smile to my face, even the ridiculous moments that now feel like some sort of bittersweet treasure

I’ll never forget the day you wanted to show me that car in your grandparents garage. The way your eyes lit up as you talked about it, like you were revealing a hidden gem, was unforgettable. Those glass cabinets filled with little toy cars (you’d kill me if I said toy cars though).

They were more than just cars though really, and I only start to understanding it now, it was a symbol of your dreams, your ambitions, and that relentless drive to create something great

Drive. That just sums you up in one word

Standing there, I could see the passion in your voice and the spark in your eyes, which made me believe in all the things we could achieve and the things we did. I even remember our first conversation around dropshipping on FB messenger, and off we got, it was a hit from there

But now, when I came to your funeral, everything felt really surreal mate. The weight of grief hung heavy in the air with everyone, and seeing so many people gathered with your family and friends, to honor your spirit hit me really hard mate.

It felt like an impossible task to capture the essence of who you were in just a few words, but your family done incredible and summed you up to a T, and everyone had that, everyone had that part of you. The laughter we shared, the dreams we built together, it all echoed in my mind, making the pain of your absence even sharper

Honestly, Jake, sometimes life is being a proper whirlwind. I’m trying so hard to be a good person and make a difference in the lives of others, but it often feels like I only end up hurting people instead. I wrestle with this feeling of being caught in a cycle of pain and miscommunication. It’s like I’m a walking contradiction, trying to rescue others while feeling like I need saving myself, but only end up hurting people I’m close to. Only you’d know that, and I wish I could just talk to you about it

Life has a funny way of throwing punches when we least expect it. I’ve had my fair share of relationship heartbreak, probably a lot more than most people my age I’m finding out. And it always seems to hit harder than before. It makes you question everything, doesn’t it? I remember the moments when you’d share your stories, times when you felt broken or lost. Your words helped me see that I wasn’t alone in feeling like that. You always had a way of making things feel more bearable, like you were carrying the weight of it all with me

I think about your loves, the way it swept you off your feet, only to leave you shattered when things went south. It’s a feeling we all know. I’ve personally had the the sting of betrayal mate too. It’s like a punch to the gut, and you wonder why you let your guard down in the first place. I wish I could have told you how much I admired your strength during those times, how you always seemed to pick yourself back up, even when life knocked you down, and just keep doing the work

I know you struggled with substances, trying to numb that pain that felt too overwhelming to face. I’ve been there, you saw my downfall. It’s such a slippery slope, isn’t it? So easy to lose yourself in that haze, to think it’s the only way out. I wish I could have been there for you more and it haunts me to this day, to remind you that there was another way. You always carried that burden alone, but I want you to know I would have done anything to help lift it off your shoulders mate

And loss man, that’s a heavy one right. I lost my grandparents and it felt like losing a part of myself. I remember you sharing stories about your grandparents and how much they meant to you, and how they were your rock. It made me think about my own family and how precious those moments are. Life can be so cruel sometimes

I think back to the times we talked about feeling invisible, even in a crowded room. You’d share those moments when you felt lost, like you were screaming but no one could hear you. I felt that too. I wanted to reach through the noise and remind you that you were seen, that you mattered. Your willingness to share your struggles always made me feel less alone, and I wish I could have been that support for you in return

Lately, I find myself reflecting on all those conversations we had. Your sleeve tattoo was a testament to your journey, more than just ink, they were stories of resilience, reminders of battles fought and won. You wore that sleeve proudly, and I admired that about you. Those marks on your skin reflected the struggles beneath the surface, pain, grief, and healing. They were symbols of your strength, and it hurts to think I won’t see you share those stories again mate

It’s been hard for me to process the way you left us. I’m struggling to understand why it all happened. It feels like I’m stumbling through this fog of grief, trying to find my footing again. I’ve felt lost, like a piece of me is missing, like a certain part of my whole has gone, and I can’t replace that box. The memories we created together, the laughter, the tears, the support, we shared so much, and now it feels so empty

There’s so much I wanted to say to you mate, but never quite found the right moment. I wish I’d told you how much your friendship actually really meant to me, I’d always think it, but sometimes I struggle with opening my heart. How your laughter could brighten even my worst days. I always admired your strength, the way you bounced back from everything life threw at you and just doing that in that weird little voice we used to do. That bloody song by Gotye lol. I should have been more open about my own struggles, I kept thinking I’d burden you, but maybe it would have helped us both

I wanted to share those moments when I felt proper lost, hoping it would remind you that you weren’t alone in this messy world. Above all, I just wanted you to know how loved you truly were, and that your presence made a bigger difference than you probably ever realized

So, Jake, this is my little tribute to you. You were loved more than you’ll ever know, and your absence is felt deeply by so many people. I’m still grappling with this grief, trying to find a way through it. But I promise to hold onto the memories we created and celebrate your life in every way I can

Rest easy, mate. You’re missed more than words can say. I hope, wherever you are, you’ve found the peace you deserve

Love Aaron x

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