Relationships can often feel like a beautiful mess, can’t they? I mean, one moment you’re belly laughing together, and the next, you’re questioning your life choices while staring at a half eaten pizza haha
Recently, I found myself in a whirlwind of complex emotions with someone I truly truly care about, and I’m seeing it as an area of growth for me, and how to navigate these complexities for both parties, and it’s been a real eye-opener. It’s a journey filled with ups and downs, like riding a rollercoaster designed by Picasso, unpredictable, yet, beautiful in its chaos
It’s all about understanding the complexity of feelings, both hers and my own. I wanted to share my thoughts in hopes that they might resonate with anyone else experiencing a similar situation (or at least give you some comic relief!)
The nature of love
Let’s face it, emotions aren’t straightforward. I thought there was only like 5, but turns out there’s like 70 of them and we’re being tested on all of them. That’s what happens when you really connect with someone, and you may have this view too
Love is not always straightforward. Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean the feelings go away overnight (this is for ya’ll reading this that might be doing something similar).
It’s entirely possible for someone to have lingering emotions for an ex, even while forming a new connection. The heart is a complex creature, capable of loving multiple people at once.
It’s like trying to choose between chocolate cake and a slice of pie, both are delicious, and you might want a bit of both!
In my current situation, I realize that she’s caught in a tug of war between her past and her feelings for me. The love she has for her ex, although complicated, coexists with the feelings we’ve built together.
This emotional conflict can be challenging, but also reveals the depth of her heart. It’s a reminder that love isn’t simply black and white, it’s a kaleidoscope of colors, all swirling together
When she opened up about still having feelings for her ex, I didn’t take it as a rejection but rather a reflection of where she’s at emotionally. It’s always been that way, and I think our connection definitely heightened those, that they’re still unsolved
It made me realize that hey, love isn’t just a switch you flip on or off. Sometimes, it’s messy. Sometimes, it’s layered, like an onion. It’s entirely possible to love two people at the same time, and the heart can hold space for multiple feelings turns out
Recognizing Connection
Even though she’s navigating her feelings, there are still signs that point to something meaningful between us, and this might be useful to anyone out there
- Engagement: When I reach out, her responses have come quickly. We’ve always analysed each other like this, probably unhealthy tbh, but we have that thing where we would just stare at each other for ages, trying to work each other out. This tells me that I’m still on her mind. It’s a comforting reminder that our connection is alive, even if it feels complicated right now, kind of like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube while riding a unicycle
- Warmth in Her Words: She’s made it clear that she doesn’t harbor any hard feelings. That warmth shows she still cares about me deeply, despite everything. It’s a small but powerful sign that there’s something special there, like finding an extra fry at the bottom of the bag
- Sharing Her Vulnerabilities: Her willingness to discuss her feelings openly reveals a level of trust. She’s letting me in on her internal struggles, and that’s something I’ve always cherish. It shows that our bond is more than just surface-level; we’ve built something genuine, and is exactly why I believe there’s something powerful between us. Like a sturdy IKEA bookshelf (the one that doesn’t wobble).
Respecting the Need for Space
I understand she needs space right now, like a lot, and it’s a crucial part of her journey. And as much as I want to be there for her, I recognize that sometimes, stepping back is the most caring thing I can do, and will give her the time to process her feelings without feeling pressured, as I can sense they’re still strong
This time apart is like a forced digital detox, it’s necessary for growth and clarity. It’s during this time she can reflect on what she truly wants, and deserves.
Sometimes, moving on from an ex who doesn’t align with our current selves can be the most challenging yet liberating step.
I believe that if she can take the time to heal, she’ll discover that what she truly wanted with me isn’t just a fantasy, it’s a possibility for the future
My Journey Forward
This period has also been a big time for reflection and growth for me, and why now? why not years ago with all the other relationships. Who knows, tbc, but here’s how I’m navigating my own path and keeping my side of the street moving forward
- Embracing Patience: I’m learning that healing takes time, and it’s okay to let things unfold naturally. Instead of rushing into anything, I’m choosing to be patient, both with her and myself—like waiting for the perfect moment to drop a pun
- Focusing on self-improvement: This time apart has been an opportunity for me to work on myself, my goals, my passions, and my emotional well being. I believe that by becoming the best version of myself, I’ll be ready for whatever the future holds, whether that’s with her or someone else. Think of it as my magnum opus—a grand project that might involve a little sweat and a lot of heart
- Keeping Communication Open: If she decides to reach out, I’ll be here, ready to listen and support her. I want to create a space where she feels comfortable expressing her feelings without judgment. After all, that’s what genuine connections are built on. Plus, I’m great at listening—just ask my friends who love to vent!
A Gentle Reminder
I hope she realizes that it’s okay to let go of past relationships that no longer serve her. Sometimes, moving on from an ex can be godamn tough, I’ve been there multiple times, but it opens the door to new possibilities.
There’s something beautiful about allowing ourselves to embrace what’s in front of us, even if it feels scary. By recognizing that her ex may not align with the person she is becoming, and that what she’s becoming, was what made her feeling connected with me, she can start to heal from what makes her sad and create space for what truly fulfills her.
Like growing into it, and I’ll tell you what, it’s fucking beautiful and I can’t wait to see her flourish, whether I’m there or not.
Aligning with My Purpose and Values
This whole experience has really made me look at my own values, and with all the books and scrap bits of paper I gave her, I was already looking at my higher purpose. I’ve always believed in growth, both personally and in relationships.
But it’s only really in sobriety that I’ve embraced that properly or known how to. Being drug induced, and out of my mind all the time, really stunted my growth as a person.
Being confrontational and honest about feelings is something I value deeply, and this journey has pushed me to confront my own emotions as well.
I believe it’s also confronted hers, and she has confronted mine, which means I’m learning to embrace vulnerability, which is a real growth area for both of us
Conclusion
As I reflect on this journey, I recognise the beauty in understanding her feelings and allowing space for growth. I also applaud her for opening up with it and the vulnerabilities, and giving her safe space to do so.
Love is a complex puzzle, and sometimes, it takes stepping back to see the bigger picture. By embracing the complexity of our emotions and respecting each other’s journeys, we open ourselves up to healing and the possibility of deeper connections in the future
And hey, if all else fails, we can always bond over a pizza and a good laugh, proving that even the most tangled relationships can lead to unexpected joy. So here’s to navigating love and life with a sprinkle of humor, a dash of understanding, and a commitment to growth
If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember that love can be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth pursuing. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is allow our feelings to guide us toward growth, understanding, and the connections that truly matter
