There’s something almost cinematic about my nightly walks around Brighton – me, a milkshake in one hand, a cigarette in the other, casually pretending like I’ve got life all figured out. It’s like being in a coming of age movie where the protagonist is supposed to learn some deep ass life lesson… except the protagonist is just a burnt out 32 year old adult trying to hold it together with nicotine and dairy.
This ritual of mine (going for a walk and grabbing a milkshake)—isn’t just a quirky little habit. It’s a necessary part of my routine that keeps me sane. There’s something about the combination of movement, sugar, and carcinogens that really helps me process the chaos of the day.
I don’t know why, but milkshakes just make life feel slightly more manageable. I mean, they’re basically the dessert version of a security blanket. But don’t get it twisted, it’s not some healthconscious juice cleanse. It’s a full on, calorie loaded treat, which contrasts perfectly with the sheer amount of cigarettes I smoke along the way hehe. Call it my version of yin and yang: sugar for the soul, nicotine for the nerves.
But let’s get a bit real for a second, this walk is more than just about enjoying a cold drink. Lately, these walks have been where I’ve had the time to reflect on everything that’s been going on. BAH.
Life has been…a lot. Burnout has been creeping in like a bad Tinder date that just won’t leave. I’ve spent the last few months sprinting through life, building businesses, chasing invoices, winning legal battles, and somewhere along the way, I forgot how to chill. It’s like I’ve been chasing wins without ever pausing to celebrate them.
So these nightly walks? They’ve become my way of pressing ‘pause’ and taking a breath (or, more accurately, a long drag from a cigarette).
And speaking of wins, let’s talk about the web development business for a second. For every project that goes smoothly, there are about ten that make me want to launch my laptop into the Brighton sea. But those small victories, like getting paid on time, or hearing a client say “This is exactly what I wanted!”—those moments are the equivalent of the cherry on top of my milkshake. Sweet, unexpected, and just enough to keep me going through the madness.
The real kicker, though, is that my professional life is only part of the burnout equation. Recently, I lost my mate Jake Cheeseman. SAD.
His funeral was on Friday, and honestly, it’s been hitting me harder than I expected. The guy was an absolute legend, and his passing has stirred up a lot of emotions I wasn’t quite prepared to deal with. Walking around Brighton at night, thinking about Jake, it’s surreal. It’s that weird, uncomfortable reminder of how fragile life is, and how absurd it is that we’re all just wandering through it, trying to make sense of things while we still can.
Between the stress of work, the grief over Jake, and the relentless pressure I’ve put on myself to succeed, I’ve been running on fumes for months. It’s no wonder I’ve been feeling burnt out. But here’s the twist, I’ve also got all these amazing things happening in my life right now. My ADHD coaching, for example, has been an absolute game changer. I’m finally starting to understand how my brain works (sort of), and it’s been liberating. The ADHD coach has been helping me realize that it’s okay to be chaotic, that my mind doesn’t have to function like everyone else’s. And honestly, that’s been one of the biggest reliefs I’ve had in ages.
On top of that, I’ve got my MMA training, which has been its own kind of therapy. There’s something cathartic about punching things after a long, stressful day, like my own form of meditation, except with a lot more sweat and aggression.
And then there are the creative outlets, like writing, which gives me a chance to unload my thoughts in a way that makes sense (most of the time). The combination of MMA, ADHD coaching, and writing has been like this trifecta of mental survival for me. Without them, I think I’d be way more lost.
But back to the milkshakes.
They’ve become this weird, symbolic thing for me. They’re more than just a cold drink I get at the end of the day, they represent status, oddly enough. Like, who buys a milkshake every night unless they’ve got their life somewhat in order, right?
Wrong, but that’s the illusion I like to maintain.
Milkshakes are also a reflection of relationships. Weirdly enough, they remind me of the times I’d grab one with friends after a long day, or share one on a date, or just sit alone with one and think about all the things I don’t want to deal with. They’re this odd comfort, a sweet treat that somehow makes the world feel a little more tolerable. They’re also a middle finger to the fact that, yeah, I’m stressed, but I’m still going to enjoy something simple and indulgent.
And then there’s the health side of things. I mean, it’s no secret that drinking milkshakes and chainsmoking isn’t exactly the pinnacle of health. But let’s be real, balance is for people who have time to meal prep and hit the gym.
I’m out here trying to dodge burnout, juggling work stress, and dealing with personal loss. So if I want to sip on a milkshake while I burn through a pack of Marlboro’s, well… that’s just the way it’s going to be. The milkshake might be full of sugar, but it’s probably still the healthiest thing I’m consuming at this point.
But the thing I love most about these walks, milkshake in hand, is the way they allow me to reflect. It’s in these quiet moments, strolling through the streets of Brighton, that I think about how far I’ve come, and how much further I’ve got to go.
I think about Jake, and how much he’d laugh at the thought of me walking around Brighton with a milkshake, smoking my life away, and pretending I’ve got it all together. I think about the wins I’m having with the web development business and how ADHD coaching has given me a new perspective. I think about the burnout, and how I’m trying to navigate it all without losing my mind.
And sometimes, I think about how absurd all of this is. How I’m juggling business success, personal loss, and self-discovery, all while walking around with a milkshake like some kind of tragic anti-hero in a dark comedy. There’s something beautifully ironic about it, and honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So yeah, milkshakes. They’re more than just a sweet treat. They’re my way of coping, reflecting, and keeping it together in a world that often feels like it’s falling apart. And if that’s not worth a nightly stroll through Brighton, I don’t know what is.