The self-worth saga – how do we actually increase that?

Right, let’s get one thing clear right now, self-worth is an absolute con. I don’t care how many self help gurus bang on about it, it’s just another thing we’re supposed to master while juggling all the other disasters of adult life, like paying bills and pretending to like salad.

But here I am motherfuckers, on a quest to tackle my self-worth, mainly because living like a human doormat isn’t exactly working out for me.


You see, for years, I’ve been playing the “Not Good Enough” game, and let me tell you, it’s a real damn hoot. You get to question your entire existence while constantly comparing yourself to people on social media who look like they have their lives together. Spoiler: they don’t, but we’ll pretend they do because it gives me something to spiral about at 3am.

Self-Worth: The slippery little prick

So here’s the thing, self worth isn’t about having a six-figure salary, a six-pack, or 600 likes on a selfie where you pretended to “wake up like this.” It’s about recognising your own inherent value, which sounds proper simple, but it’s about as easy as liking your own voice. It’s just real cringeworthy and unnatural. But apparently, without this magical ingredient inside us, we’re all destined to live out our lives as professional people pleasers with a side of crippling anxiety.

So, let’s talk about how my lack of self-worth has manifested over the years. You might relate. Or you might just enjoy the dump. Either way, buckle up motherfucker.

How low self-worth can and will ruin my life

1. The Comparison Olympics

This is a daily event in my mental Olympics games. I’ll scroll through my Instagram, see someone the top 1% of people on my agloriddim, who’s just bought their third house, runs ultra marathons for fun, and casually takes holidays in Bali, while I’m over here wondering if eating chocolate pops for dinner is a sign I’ve given up on life. I compare my ordinary, slightly chaotic existence to the highlight reel of people I barely know. And yet, every time I feel like a potato with an anxiety disorder.

2. Not Feeling Worthy of Love

Ah yes, the age old question: “Why would anyone love me when there are so many better, more mentally stable options out there?” This delightful bit of dialogue pops up whenever someone shows any sign of affection towards me. So, I keep people at arm’s length, because why would they want me, the human embodiment of a panic attack in a Primark sale?

3. People Pleasing: The Full-Time Job

You know those people who can say “no” without feeling like they’ve just committed a crime? Yeah, I I didn’t used to be one of them (I’m better these days through Therapy and not doing bare drugs). If you need a favour, I’m your person.

Even if I’m drowning in my own mess, I’ll find a way to help you move house, babysit your weird and cute pets, and probably bake a muffin or two while I’m at it. Why? Because I’ve somehow convinced myself that the only way I’m worthy is if I’m useful to others (I also blame a 12 step fellowship card for this)

It’s a bit like being a Swiss Army knife with abandonment issues.

4. Undercharging Like It’s a Sale at Poundland

When it comes to work, I used to be the discount aisle. It doesn’t matter how skilled I am at what I do, I’ll still charge peanuts because deep down I’m convinced no one will pay more and everyone has the same skills I’ve got. I’m scared that if I increase my hourly rates, my clients will pull a Scooby-Doo and rip off their masks, revealing they never liked me or my work in the first place. It’s a constant struggle between knowing my worth and then absolutely bottling it when it comes to charging for it.

5. Overcommitting Until My Soul Collapses

There’s a special place in hell for people like me who overcommit to everything because they’re terrified of letting anyone down. I’m running around like I’ve got ten clones, saying “yes” to every favour and task, and then wondering why I wake up in a cold sweat every morning. It’s almost like I believe being constantly burnt out is a personality trait. Spoiler: it’s not.

6. Self-Sabotaging, But Make It Fun

Why finish a project when you can procrastinate until the very last second and then watch your mental health disintegrate in real time baby? I’ll have a brilliant idea, start working on it, then freak out halfway through because, heaven forbid, it actually turns out well. So I’ll distract myself with pointless tasks, like re-shaping my beard for the 10th time, or deep-diving into conspiracy theories on YouTube. Then, when it’s crunch time, I panic, botch it, and tell myself, “Well, I guess I wasn’t good enough after all”.

7. Avoiding My Own Feelings Like It’s Contagious

Rather than telling someone they’ve hurt my feelings, because I obviously don’t have feelings. I prefer the classic British approach: passive-aggressively simmering in silence while making tea I don’t even want. So, I’ll have the conversations, I’ll always have the conversation, but won’t talk about my feelings, because obviously, why would I want to talk about feelings?

So I’ll talk about the general shines, but not how I feel, because I don’t want anyone to know my emotional state. Until I explode over something completely unrelated, like someone using the wrong mug. Because emotional repression always ends well right?

8. Hoarding Compliments Like They’re a Burden

Someone compliments me? Immediate discomfort. “Oh no, it was nothing,” I say, deflecting faster than a tory at a press conference. Deep down, I think if I accept the compliment, I’m tricking them. Like, surely they’re just being nice, right? So I downplay it, make a joke about how I don’t even know what I’m doing, and internally wonder why I can’t just say, “Thank you” like a normal person. It’s like accepting praise is some kind of moral failing.

My New Best Mate: You Can Heal Your Life

To try and dig myself out of this self worth pit, I’ve turned to Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. Now, the exercises are a bit… hmm for my tastes, but I’ve given them a go because, quite frankly, I need all the help I can get, and lets be honest, people talk about self worth but no-one actually knows how to put in the action. So, here the fuck we are, I have excercises for it.

1. Mirror Work

Staring at yourself in the mirror and saying “I love and accept you” sounds cringe because it is. But I gave it a shot. The first time I did it, I looked myself dead in the eyes and muttered, “I love you” like I was in the final scene of a shit rom com

  • Affirmation: “I am worthy of love.”
  • Frequency: Daily. It’s like a pep talk, but with more awkwardness.

2. Affirmations

I write down negative beliefs, then flip them into something positive. For example, “I’m a mess” becomes “I am enough.” If you listen closely, you can hear my inner critic laughing.

  • Frequency: Morning and night. Think of it as brainwashing, but in a good way.

3. Forgiveness Exercise

Write letters to people you need to forgive. I wrote one to myself. “Dear Me, I forgive you for spending all day watching red panda videos, instead of dealing with your emotions like a grown up.

  • Frequency: Whenever you’ve been a bit of an idiot. So… regularly.

4. Gratitude Lists

You write down what you’re grateful for. I’m still not convinced this isn’t just a sneaky gaslight way to get me to stop the UK people moaning about everything. But hey, I’ll give it a whirl.

  • Frequency: Daily

5. Visualization

Close your eyes and imagine your dream life. I’m in a massive mansion, working three hours a week, and I have a personal chef who makes the perfect Sunday roast.

  • Frequency: Daily. It’s basically daydreaming with purpose.

6. Journaling

I write about my feelings, just like on her, but half the time it turns into an existential rant about why it’s always food that affects my mood

  • Frequency: Whenever I’m feeling particularly emotionally stunted.

What I’ve Learned (And What You Should Probably Do)

So, what’s the takeaway here? Tackling self worth is messy, uncomfortable, and utterly exhausting. But it’s also necessary because living your life as a self-deprecating disaster isn’t sustainable.

Am I there yet? Absolutely fucking not. But I’m getting closer to actually liking myself, which is nice. So, if you’re anything like me, chronically self-sabotaging and dodging compliments like they’re bullets. Then maybe, just maybe, give it a go.

At the very least, you’ll have some hilarious stories for therapy.

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