The power of just being there

So, I’ve been working a lot with my therapist on what connection really means for me, like, what intimacy is, and how closeness really works in my life. And to be honest, putting my ego aside, I don’t usually write about this kinda stuff because it’s uncomfortable. It’s not what I do, but things need to change. I promised myself I’d do whatever it takes to grow, so here’s me just opened up my head and heart, and being vulnerable, because at the end of the day, connection is vulnerability. So here’s my truth

I’ve been thinking like a lot lately about the beauty in the simplicity of physical and emotional closeness. Not in some big, overly dramatic way, but in the quiet, everyday moments that really define intimacy

It’s been about a month or so since M and I parted ways, and honestly, it feels like the right thing, at least for where we both are right now. I do believe that sometimes people only accept the love they think they deserve, and she’s been through a lot in her past relationship.

I can tell that being treated with genuine care and respect might have felt unfamiliar to her because of that. I understand that healing from past trauma takes time, and it made me realize that unless those wounds are addressed, it’s hard for a relationship to truly flourish

I’ve learned that you can’t fix someone’s past, nor should you try to. People have to heal in their own time. But I also realized that I deserve to be in a relationship where both of us are ready and open to give and receive love in a healthy, equal way. I’m proud of the way I show up for the people I care about, and it’s important for me to be with someone who can fully receive that

For me, I believe true intimacy comes in those small moments, when you’re not trying to fix anything but are just there for each other. Even just thinking about it taps into a vulnerability I didn’t even know was there. It’s not about grand gestures or some elaborate apologies. It’s the raw sincerity of someone just wanting to reconnect in the most unfiltered way possible, the action of it all

What really hits home for me is when someone just shows up, not to fix the past or say anything profound, but just to be present. That’s where I think real intimacy is found. It’s not about needing time to grow into it either; when it’s right, it’s right. You know it instantly. It grows, sure, but time doesn’t need to be the ultimate factor. There’s this unspoken understanding and it just clicks, and you feel it deep down (god that feels weird to say)

For me, intimacy is those random, quiet moments, like laughing in bed at dumb TikToks, feeling safe enough to be goofy and unguarded. Or those 3 a.m. conversations where we’d go from talking about aliens to mental health, realizing that what we had wasn’t just about attraction, but truly wanting to know each other. It’s those long drives, with the windows down, your favorite songs blasting, and just enjoying the ride. Even if she’s sleeping in the passenger seat, there’s that quiet joy in knowing she feels safe enough with you

There’s something really special about the shared moments that seem so simple but mean everything. Like eating crepes on the beach, holding each other under the stars, or casually chilling together at a BBQ, and making something soooo basic, feel like a whole experience

It’s those spontaneous things like shoving food into each other’s mouths, laughing so hard you almost choke, and not caring about anything else but the moment you’re in

And mate, it’s deeper than just the fun stuff, too. It’s when she would really listen when I talked, offering reassurance in those moments I doubted myself, asking “why, why, why” to really understand where I was coming from, which no one really does. It’s that moment when you share something vulnerable, and she’s there, fully present, not trying to fix you but just wanting to know you better

I think love shows up in those small gestures that speak volumes. Like giving her a page from a book that resonated with me, just to share a piece of my mind. Love doesn’t need to scream, it’s there in the way you start to understand their quirks, habits, and even the knowing when a bad days gonna come. You’re just there, making things that little bit easier without making a big deal of it

It’s not about grand, social media worthy declarations or trying to be perfect. It’s the tiny things, like bringing her coffee the way she likes it just to make her smile, or fixing a wobbly bed frame even though you have no clue what you’re doing lol. It’s making her feel comfortable, cared for, and safe. You don’t have to say it out loud, your actions say that I care, you matter

That’s what real love feels like and I honestly believe that, it’s not just about fixing things. It’s showing up, holding space, being there through all the messiness, and simply being. That’s what makes a relationship real. Not fireworks or massive declarations, but those small, beautiful moments when you’re laughing together, holding each other close, and knowing, without needing words, that you’re both in this together, even for a short amount of time

One of the ones that a simple 5 minutes of dancing can feel like a whole experience, you get where I’m coming from, where it’s not just you, it’s a whole picture

That’s the kind of love that doesn’t need to be fixed. It just grows in the imperfections, thrives in the small, shared moments, and it’s unconditional, and that’s my experience of it, and it’s the most powerful thing of all

If you’re with that person now, and you resonate with this, tell them

Peace

Aaron Mouland

Quit drinking on 23 July 2021 after a two-day bender and swapped bars for border crossings and 12-step meetings. Three sober years, 36 countries, 113 travellers (totally dry), fuelled by street food, jelly babies, and a broken Google Maps app. Wandersober is my journal, my SEO lab, and my mission. Featured in GQ, Mirror, Evening Standard, MarketWatch, and more.

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